A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood

Cigarette smoke bleeds through the walls of our apartment, it is an unwanted offering from our neighbors next door and it hovers and turns stale as a delivered tuna casserole. Welcome to the neighborhood. The familiar aroma, differs somewhat from the smoky dorm rooms of my college years, it lacks a certain boozy overtone and the stench of morning after regret. No, this smoke clearly comes from an elderly smoker, it is the discount variety; the sort of aroma that could only manifest from an extra long Benson and Hedges burned in an overcrowded ashtray. Something had to be done.

We stood at the lobby counter ready to file our complaint about the old woman next door and her pollution of our apartment with her incessant smoking. Before we could deliver a word about it, we were slapped with a counter complaint. “The woman next door has been complaining about the noise.” Said the day manager. “It seems she goes to bed early, but cannot get a wink of sleep due to the constant slamming of doors coming from your apartment.”

We have a cat, who behaves like a dog. He is like a Labrador, to be specific. He is a sensitive creature and is prone to resentments, which lead him to rip our favorite houseplant to shreds, or make a mess out of your garbage can. It is for this reason that we are constantly slamming doors at night. Eugene has developed quite a temper, and has taken to ankle biting when he wants to be let into the office. Sasha, our siamese who resembles a football with little kicking feet, likes to play jungle cat when she gets into the office..until she tips an orchid, gets frightened and runs away. One has to be quick about shutting the door if one wants to successfully protect the office.

A guest who drops in for a visit without giving advance notice will get a glimpse of a coffee spattered office door in the style of a Jackson Pollack painting. I create this almost daily while balancing a snack of cut cabbage and salad dressing in one hand, coffee in the other, and faking out the cats on my way through the door.

Since the day we made our complaint, the building maintenance crew has come to seal off our vent so it no longer smells smoky (for the most part). To the dismay of the orchids, we have begun allowing the cats to roam around freely about the office so we don't have to keep the door closed.